Three weeks ago-ish I stepped off a plane in Hong Kong accompanied by my girls Renay and Paula. I had been worried about the flight over because my Renay does not like to travel in this manner. And I’m not talking economy. I’m talking flight of any nature. A big problem when trying to get from Australia to Hong Kong.
What to do?
Strategy one was to try and get her nice and sozzled before we got on the plane. This was unsuccessful because she doesn’t like the taste of alcohol. Not even French Champagne!!!!! However, a friend told me that two shots of Jagermeister, an Aperol Spritz, a glass of red chased by French Champagne can make for a great flight. I’m not naming names or anything (*cough, cough Paula) but in case you are looking for a remedy I’m told this can work.
Strategy two was to get on the flight, pat her hand and reassure her that more people die in car accidents less than 2 kilometres from home, put on my headphones and pretend I was flying solo. This was unsuccessful because I do not have a cold, black heart despite what The Artist says as I would not go and make coffee this morning while he was watching South Africa get slaughtered in the cricket.
So I thought and I thought and we sat down and my girl was decidedly stressed as we buckled up. So I started talking. And I talked and I talked and I talked and I made her look at me while I talked. I talked that plane up in the air and I talked that plane down to the runway. And she barely knew about the take off and the landing. And you all know that when I talk and demand an audience there is sweet bugger all you can do to get away. Particularly if you are strapped in your seat on a Boeing of some nature. Gives captive audience a whole new meaning.
So that’s how we landed in Honkers without vomiting or an anxiety attack.
Love and light
p.s. I’m available to assist on international or local flights to exotic destinations if you are afraid of flying and need me to talk you up and down. (Melbourne is an exotic destination by the way). I am not averse to flying economy as I am small in stature so the leg room thing is not a problem. However, for the duration of the stay please note that I am particular about accommodation – I’m deathly afraid of crap hotels. It’s a real thing.