Fire and hooker shoes

There was fire in the house of AlwaysLauren on Tuesday night.  Five minutes into The Fast which sees Jews everywhere starving for 25 hours (and we love to eat like no other nation on earth) I set my hair on fire.  Good thing Missj10 was around because I was already delusional from anticipated hunger and didn’t notice.  I want to point out that when I started to do a rain dance and scream blue murder whilst doing a roll on the floor with my teatowel dousing the flames all she did was laugh.  But I guess at least she identified the problem.  Fortunately the damage was minimal and only a small portion of hair was sacrificed to the atonement Gods. The Artist pointed out that this did not bode well for me.  Whatevs Dude, whatevs.  He thinks it might have something to do with a conversation had at the fish shop on the eve of the Jewish New Year when I asked the guy where I could buy ice.  His response was that he had PLENTY of ice – in fact – he owned an ice machine.  I then casually said that it was good to know and that he was my first port of call when I had a dead body to keep cool.  The man behind me asked where my husband was……..

The fish guy, continuing to be helpful also said that he had a massive walk-in fridge.  I asked whether it would hold 12 people as my inlaws were due for dinner. Jokes.  Jokes peeps.

Jokes – the post about how we are like the Kardashians will follow shortly………

My parents weren’t overly sympathetic either, my mother cackling that perhaps it would have been an opportunity for a major haircut.  I want to point out here that my parents would prefer me to walk around looking like a crazed lesbo with a buzzcut.  There’s no accounting for some people’s taste.

Never mind the hair Mom and Pop – how’s about those tats and the Harley? Should I? Should I?

Then, this arvo I was guilted into trawling Paddo for shoes for Miss13 who has a multitude of events happening over the next few weeks and can’t be seen in only one pair of shoes.  Oh, the shame.

The sought after pair in question………….

Hooker shoes by any other name…….

In shock I mentioned that she could not, COULD NOT, walk around in hooker shoes.  Miss10 wanted to know what a hooker was.  The shop assistant thought I was going to have an interesting afternoon explaining that one.  FML.

And finally back to Fire.

Most of you know how fond I am of a man in uniform.  Well, unbeknownst to me the Fire Alarm went off at work a few minutes after I left the building.  There were TWO fire engines and hence multiple firemen.  And NO-ONE thought to call me.  They lamented the fact that they didn’t get close enough to even SEE the firemen.  Girls – your bad – if I’d been there we would have had photos on the Firetruck with the Firemen. So next time – dial 1800-LAUREN and yes – you won’t be watching from a distance :).  But I can’t guarantee that you won’t be struck by lightning out of a clear blue sky.

Hot! Hot! Hot! Matches anyone?????

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6 comments

  1. Me

    LOL – thanks for providing a laugh for me this afternoon !!! I hope your hair is OK with minimal work required to sort out the bit that got burnt !!!
    BTW how did you explain the hooker ????
    Have the best weekend !
    Me

  2. TheKidsAreAllRight (@_kidsallright)

    Hi Lauren, just found your blog thanks to FYBF – and I’m loving it! My 14 year old had a pair of hooker shoes a friend gave her when she was 13 (because the ogre that is her mum wouldn’t buy her anything with a heel). But these beauties above leave those for dead. The Kardashians have a lot to answer for.

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