An insight into my loud self

Last week in a first for me in 42 years, I lost my voice.  It was croaky and felt disgusting and I sounded like a Trannie.  I would have made a fortune had I had a 1-800 number for the week.  Opportunity lost.

As with everything and my take a panadol and carry on philosophy I was quite convinced of a 24 hour turnaround.  So five days later I saw the doctor for an antibiotic because it had indeed turned around and travelled down towards my chest and I was coughing up pieces of lung.

Now all this is actually a complete digression when it comes to the heart of this post.

The real problem with losing my voice is my inability to yell express myself.  As you all know – I yell express myself a lot.  A lot.  More than most.  And while you may think it’s just my uber personality – it actually goes deeper than that.

Back in the day in 1997 I got sick.  I’ve had Crohn’s Disease since I was a lighty (this is South African for child) and had experienced long and good remission periods.  But it came back with a vengeance.  And I couldn’t shake it.

With the help of some amazing doctors we established how important nutrition was when I was sick and how equally important exercise was – to reduce stress – which the medical profession thinks is responsible for this bastard disease but they can’t prove it either way.

When six months later I was clear I took stock and made a decision that has defined me for the rest of my life.

Panadol doesn’t always work

They can’t prove whether stress is the culprit or not.  But if you know your body like I know mine, one thing I can tell you for sure – if you internalise every bit of crap that flies your way – it’s going to fester inside – in one way or another.

I decided I wasn’t going to let other people make me make myself sick.  So I always say what I think let it all out.

Sometimes there was confusion…..

If someone upsets me – it goes right back at them. I’m accused on not being very strategic in my behaviour or verbal repartee but I’m looking out for number one – that’s me (by the way).  And for those that think I have the worst fuck off attitude you’ve ever come across – I probably have – and I make no apologies for it.   But the lovelies on my team – you know that your back is covered – because no-one gets away with shit in my world.

And yes, I will – without a second thought.

Now going back to this voice thing – I didn’t realise how much I really yell let out – and when there’s no voice to get it out there – there’s a whole lot of stamping and hand gesturing.  A cupboard door may have been slammed off it’s hinges very hard.  Text messaging was my saviour – and I know sometimes you shouldn’t put stuff in writing – but hey – better than cortisone going in both ends for six months. (this is perhaps a bit of an overshare)

I’ve been well for 14 years.  Sometimes very unpopular.  But well.  So live it like you mean it people.  And stay well.  It only happens once.

Anything with less noise would be boring.


  1. Kay Kotzin

    Keep on yelling Lauren! we all have broad shoulders! Lets always get the better of that awful disease.Love you always. Mum:)

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