The danger of Ugg Boots and F1 tyres

I sat blogging in Centennial Park on a fine Saturday afternoon this weekend while The Artist and Miss9 cycled. Being as naturally clumsy as I am it’s not advisable that I too should ride around with them – I don’t think my life insurance covers this activity which, for me, is akin for Formula 1 race car driving in terms of dangerous.

And no – you will NEVER see me riding one of these like a tosser around Centennial Park

Speaking of dangerous and Formula 1, the topic also came up earlier this week when I took my non-precious vehicle to get its annual pink slip. My friendly neighbourhood mechanic didn’t even glance at the car before telling me it needed four new tyres. When I politely asked (with hope in my heart) if he’d like to reconsider and actually examine the vehicle, he told me that both he and his assistant mechanic – the lovely French Michel – with the accent to match – had been watching the car as I drove into the garage at work for weeks now and had been reflecting on how it needed four new ones. Michel at that pointed piped up that he thought perhaps I was going for the fancy Formula 1 look with the completely smooth tyres. Nice boys – next time hand me a loaded gun why don’t you?

Smooth – the way I like my hair. Not my wheels.

It turns out that the garden variety Ugg boot can also pose a danger – particularly when you’re chasing The Artist around the house with it and whacking him at will. It becomes dangerous when The Artist has had enough of being attacked, turns round to chase you, captures and then pins you down. However you are not stopped by this and continue, with your arms pinned, to whack the side of The Artist’s arm because you have flexibility with the boot which is softish and your wrist still has a bit of an angle. It’s all good until you miss and clonk yourself an almighty one on the head with the said Ugg Boot. They are not as sweet and fluffy as they look I want to tell you. And I know that your obvious question now is “why were you chasing The Artist around the house and whacking him with an Ugg boot?” For a million dollars I could not tell you – I might have sustained a concussion from my self-sustained injury.

A weapon wolf in sheeps clothing

Reflecting I suppose it’s not the civilised thing to resort to violence of that nature, particularly when clearly whatever it was, was so completely insignificant that one cannot remember. The other thing that I should remember is that it’s always a bit dangerous to attack someone that

a) runs faster than you

b) is stronger.

Unless you have a very unique form of self-defense – a dirty tissue in your pocket that you can brandish as a weapon while The Artist flees.

Arsenal of weapons

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