Bieber Hunting

There are some things you think you’ll never see happen in a lifetime.  And then you do.

The Backstory:

I had dropped off a perfectly sane Miss13 at a dance class only to collect a crazed, hormonal train wreck  90 minutes later.

Apparently while dancing a plan had been conceived by her friend in collusion with the friend’s father where they would leave the house on Wednesday morning around 5am, head in some vague direction to a tv  studio where the young man in question is making an appearance on breakfast tv.   Bieber Hunting.

Bieber Hunting – will it become a new Olympic sport?

After the “mommy please you have to say yes” screech, I promptly and without a second thought with much thought responded “no chance”. Not to be a fuddy duddy but did I mention it was sleeping out – on a school night?  A school that I have mentioned often on this blog that ensures that I will have to work til I die in order to educate the child in question.

As it turns out – I’m the mother that “spoils everything”.  I am “very over-protective” and “never let her do A-NY-THING”.

Shame (said in the true South African sense of the word).

With glee I said to speak to her father in this regard and that if it was okay with him, it was okay with me.

The Artist arrived home simultaneous to us pulling into The Finn Correctional Facility for a Teenage Girl and looked at me with the raised eyebrow. 

Helpless in the face of the raised eyebrow……..

I at this point was revelling in my newly elevated position of Mommy Dearest and was clicking away at the sobbing child with my iPhone.  It was the theatrics that made me do it.  Apparently I was exacerbating the situation.   I might have been as I echoed the sobbing and carry on.  I do love a bit of mockery.   [Wish I had taken video!]

After she lost her appetite – so distraught was she – The Artist went in for the negotiation.  The one thing that gets him fucked off like nothing else is a howling teenage trainwreck.

And then in one fowl swoop he elevated himself to King of the World.  My ears were deceiving me when I heard this.

“If you stop crying and carrying on – I’ll take you”.

I have a neck injury from my head snapping up so quick.

He explains it’s about small battles and big wars or something.    Either way – he’s a better man than me.  And he’ll get to see things like this:

Is there anything less attractive? Perhaps a third eye?

And as you know – I’m a huge fan of the Universe.  This landed in my inbox today.  Recommended reading.

If I was to write a book, someone just stole my title.

Apt – don’t you think?

I’ll let you know all about it once I’ve finished.   I’ll be downloading it onto my iPad so it’s not like all in her face or anything. [I’m not completely insensitive].

I wonder if there’s a book for The Artist, other than How To Make Friends And Influence People [by agreeing to undertake bizarre and manic excursions]. I don’t think that Dale Carnegie had Bieber Hunting in mind somehow.

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One comment

  1. Kay Kotzin

    Bravo Lauren! My Mrs 41! This is by far your BEST blog as far as I’m concerned. I am still getting over The Artist’s response. You must now know that ” My Heart Belongs to Daddy!” as the old song goes!Will you EVER be top of the pops again??

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