A Sydney Lauren is better than a Queenstown one – so they say

Following my previous post I write this on my return to Sydney from the beautiful Queenstown.  It started well.  We flew to Christchurch.  The car rental guy saw ROADTRIPPER tattooed on The Artist’s forehead.  These people can see each other coming.

A two hour journey to Lake Tekapo took four.  But who’s counting? We saw many sheep, mountains and rivers.

Sheep sheep and more sheep, together with hills and mountains

We also saw this big fruit thing.  I will die happy now.

Let your imagination run wild when you think about what this looks like.

I need to mention that darkness comes early to those parts so the last 30 minutes of the journey was made in conditions of zero visibility and fog.  And the brighter your lights, the worse the reflection.  Terrifying.

Our travel companions got the landscape all wrong and booked into a hotel 40km from ours.  This is not because they don’t love us dearly but purely a matter of a lack of distance perception.  Howard – I forgive you – we were schooled in the same place and I know what your challenges are – I sometimes live the nightmare too.

I became the hunter that night and sourced Thai food in the middle of nowhere New Zealand as The Artist reclined in front of the fire during a rugby game. As you do.

Queenstown the next day – a seriously WOW moment.  Took most of the day to get sorted with ski gear and to get lunch at the most popular place in town where people wait half an hour for a Fergburger.  And yes – they’re good.  The mulled wine equally so.

In Ferg We Trust

Our first day on the slopes – three hours of ski lessons – snowboarding for some – was beyond, beyond awesome.  Despite being advised by my friend Michael to get the older Austrian Sven type (refer to previous post), I scored myself 17 year old Connor from Lake Hayes – just down the way from Coronet Peak.  I don’t think he’d started shaving yet, in fact I’m certain he hadn’t .  But all that being said – the boy taught me to ski and had the patience and temperament of a saint.  An hour and a half in I was puttering down the magic carpet like a pro I tell you.  [There are no photos of this by the way because The Snowboarding Artist had the camera and was arse down on the other side in the snow].

My magic carpet – flat as – for skiing like a pro 🙂

The perfect day ended with the perfect dinner in a small pub called Speight just off the beaten track.  There’s a separate post in this one because I was interrogated at the bar.  You will hear about it all tomorrow.

Many mulled wines later we rolled home – The Artist was complaining of some sore ribs – having bowled over another novice snowboarder.  I on the other hand was rocking the party and feeling good.  A perfect day in a very different paradise for me.  Turns out you’re never too late to learn a new skill or take on a new challenge.

A new challenge – snowboarding in the hotel room…..

And an hour later it started going horribly wrong with a sore throat, swollen glands and a temperature to raise the celsius in the whole town by a few degrees for a few days.  So while the others pranced on the bunny slopes I saw the inside of the hotel room from my bed.

The one thing I learnt was that if you don’t have a job and have to spend all day at home  your brain will not fry because day time tv is freaking incredible!!!!!!! I say this without any sarcasm what-so-ever.  And if you have long been a fan of Dr Phil and Rachael Ray your world is complete.

This woman ROCKS daytime tv.

If you also happen to be in a hotel and the bar fridge guy happens to find you curled up in a ball in your bed – he will be so freaked out that he will find excuses to pop in and check the fridge every few hours for the three days you are in the bed to make sure you haven’t died.

And the other thing I learnt is that sometimes Panadol will not just kick in and allow you to carry on as normal.  Neither will 2000mg of penicillin a day.  Having not been in this position for many many years – I think as far back as almost 9 to be exact, I had forgotten that when the body sends out that screaming YOU HAVE A VIRUS or some shit message and proceeds to give you the blue screen of death 40 degree fever- there is no choice but to shut on down and wait for the new hard drive to reboot. Even if it takes three or four days.

In conclusion, The Artist decided that he prefers the Sydney Lauren to the Queenstown Lauren because apparently the Sydney Lauren would never shut down the hard drive.

As disappointing as this is to some, the Sydney Lauren would like to reiterate how very disappointed she is that she didn’t get to ski like a fucking genius on the ski slopes instead of spending time inside a bed in her pajamas.  And she also didn’t get to shop or explore all the little nooks and crannies in Queenstown. She is absolutely sure there would have been some completely awesome little boutiques at which she could have scored some unique fashion and jewellery items.  The Accountant Artist might keep this all in mind when he looks at the credit card bill after the holiday and does his profit and loss statement.  I think perhaps he might re-think his Queenstown vs Sydney Lauren then…..

Disclaimer: I am on the mend, we are slowly re-loading all the lost software.  There is less software by the way because there was collateral damage due to the throat being closed for processing.  I expect however by next weekend that all servers will be working at maximum capacity and that whoever is getting comfortable on MY spin bike will be relocating.  Enjoy it while it lasts whoever you are.  I also had various meetings yesterday as I did a half day back at work and I think I agreed to everything.  Bearing in mind I can’t really recall exactly what I agreed to there might be some re-discussion argument/negotiating out of a tight spot next week.  And if Petersham Chicken would just please pick up the phone so I can make a booking for tonight to try and reclaim some of that lost software, much appreciate it. 


  1. yael barkhan

    Lauren! Nooo the dreaded sore throat (spiritual meaning = you are not expressing your true self!) Although I think this blog is pretty much your canvas! Welcome back catch up soon hope!

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