Dodging Landmines

I feel like Lara Croft in Tomb Raider – landmines everywhere.  (I haven’t actually seen the movie but it looks like this is very much the case).

Dodging landmines – unfortunately not as successfully as the lovely Lara

Similarly, I’m getting my arse grazed everywhere by exploding situations. And I’m going to need a new colon at the end of it, or at the very least a donut cushion.

The poor ladies and gents at work – I don’t even know how to start apologising – their virgin ears are no longer.

No explanation needed.

I’m not much better at home.  A bit shouty apparently.  My father pointed out that it can’t be easy to live with me at the moment.  I had to agree – I don’t even want to be with me.  I strike fear in my own heart.

Sometimes, I actually mean it.

And the poor Artist Formerly Known As – offered me a cup of tea last night at 6.30.  Apparently I didn’t have WINE tattooed on my forehead.  A suggestion that perhaps tea would serve me better went down like a lead balloon, followed by scattering and the appearance of a large glass of white.  Magic this shouty stuff.

Not cutting it – I wanted Mr Wine.

Tried to earn back some points today with Miss12 who is getting braces fitted in a few weeks.  The back story is that I scheduled on a Monday morning after giving the orthodontist major grief about the time of the appointment and how he’s a complete shit not to start work at 7am. Turns out it’s a religious holiday for us Jewish peeps and my office is closed as is the kids school.  I had also growled at Miss12 when scheduling that she would be a-okay to go to school and to man up.

So, to now appear to be the benevolent mother (that I am clearly not right now) I sent her an email to say I had decided we could go home after her braces were fitted and that she didn’t have to go to school that day.

She’s wise that one.

Didn’t even take ten minutes for the return email to read – “School’s closed that day mom, but nice try.”

So, clearly I’m fooling no-one.

And next week will be better.

Or I’ll be writing to you from a beach in Bali.  My passport is current.

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