He saw my bum

Every now and again, there’s a great equaliser.  An embarrassing event that brings you to your knees or causes you to want to curl up in a ball and keen like a woman in mourning in a village in North Africa.

One such event happened today.  But it was preceded by a similar and much much worse event 19 years earlier.

Setting the scene – early morning at the gym.  Busy gym in one of Johannesburg’s most prestigious suburbs.  It’s see and be seen.

A young up and coming PR person is at said gym because a young man that she is sweet on is also there every morning.  On that particular day, the said PR is going into the city to meet with every sports journalist at every newspaper worth reading to peddle her powerboat racing goods, hoping for a back page spread.

She’s dressed to kill after her workout.  Black sheer stockings, short black skirt, high high black pumps and a beautiful bright purple silk shirt (it was the nineties people!).

The young man of interest is on a cross trainer positioned above the change room doors.  She has a wiggle in her waggle as she makes her way towards the juice bar, she turns and swishes her blond mane and waves with a wink.  Waiting for her fresh juice she notices a group of personal trainers collapsed at their table behind her.  She wonders what’s so funny.

Yes, they were.

An older woman approaches.  Taps her shoulder and whispers…….your skirt’s tucked into your pantihose.


I'm quite sure the Queen might have said fuck on this occasion too.

She’s been careful ever since.  But after 19 years, a person can slip up.

The young PR person is now the mother of two children with a somewhat saggy arse.

On returning to the office after a meeting where much coffee has been consumed, she dashes to the bathroom.  Life’s a rush.  She then flies into her boss’s office to brief him on the morning’s goings on.

The lovely Lori is gesturing frantically to her.  She doesn’t understand……..

Poor Lori is at this stage whispering loudly, don’t turn around.  Again, she doesn’t understand.

She finishes and turns and, with a wiggle in her waggle, walks out…….

Lori is now within slapping distance and grabs her skirt,  pulls it out of her pantihose.

Dawn breaks…………there is much keening………..

My colleagues try to console me.  Shazza said, but you had stockings on.  Lydia said, but you’re wearing underwear.

And there’s the kicker.  I was wearing underwear.  But not Bonds Cottontails.

Never before had I wished I was wearing these that day....

I don’t think I have to draw you a picture………..

To his credit, the boss didn’t react or even mention it.  Lori swears blind, he saw……and she would know WHAT he saw.

I might be dying of embarrassment. For the next 19 years.

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