You don’t need to be management to kick arse

Hotlips Houlihan from MASH (not the Sergeant Major)

We have a newly self appointed sergeant major in the work place.  And she is kicking our arses to touch.  Three times a day minimum.  The people who know and love me are finding this hysterically funny.  To be honest, some days I quite dig the concept of coming to work and waiting for the emails to arrive, telling me what to do as I sit zombie like in front of my computer.  Other days, I remember that I am “management” and that this isn’t so cool.

So me and my home girl Shazza, who’s also in management, like to fire each other up.  Like a two person girl gang.  Shazza really really doesn’t like to be reminded of stuff because she is totally super organised.  After two weeks of being micro’d by the Sergeant Major we approached the Big Kahuna.  We thought maybe he told her to whip us into shape.  It turns out no.  Because we are already in quite good shape – even if we say so ourselves.  So the Big Kahuna speaks to the Sergeant Major.  Problem solved.

Yesterday, I’m shooting the breeze in the Big Kahuna’s office about how completely fucked I am to find a venue on the north shore next June to accommodate 400 people or so and in mid-sentence I’m interrupted.  It plays out as follows:

Sergeant Major to Big Kahuna “You need to call Mike Jones now”!

The Big Kahuna jumps upright in his chair.  Straight back, posture correct.

“Yes, I’m doing it now”.

Sergeant Major to me: Death stare (translation – get the fuck out of the Kahuna’s office so he can make the call).

Me. Dead still, holding my ground.

My death stare, not half as scary..........

Sergeant Major: “Now!!!!???????”

I put my head down to hide the laughter and tears rolling down my cheeks as I laugh without sound) – Really???  Really???

The Sergeant Major stalks out.

The Kahuna to me: “If you and your home girl Shazza ever complain to me again, I will tell you to fuck off.  That is all.  Because I have it worse. Now close the door behind you so I can make that call”.

And that my friends, is how someone not in management comes to be the most feared person in an organisation.

To lighten the mood, everyone makes mistakes, even the Sergeant Major who referred to a bollard, as a vollard in an email yesterday.  The following ensued………….

From: Sergeant Major
Sent: Thursday, 25 August 2011 11:55 AM
To: Shazza
Subject: RE: Blah Blah Blah copy of new vollard instructions – thanks Sergeant Major (eom)

_____________________________________________________________________________________

From: Shazza
Sent: Thursday, 25 August 2011 12:06 PM
To: Lauren
Subject: RE: Blah Blah Blah copy of new vollard instructions – thanks Sergeant Major (eom)

Attention to detail my arse – vollard???


 From: Lauren
Sent: Thursday, 25 August 2011 12:07 PM
To: Shazza
Subject: RE: Blah Blah Blah copy of new vollard instructions – thanks Sergeant Major (eom)

I vant a vemote so the vollards vont vuck up my vehicle.

 


From: Shazza
Sent: Thursday, 25 August 2011 12:13 PM
To: Lauren

Subject: RE: Blah Blah Blah copy of new vollard instructions – thanks Sergeant Major (eom)

Does that make it VML instead of FML?

At that point we decided to stop.  We take joy from the small things………..

 

And if you were wondering (like I was) what eom means, its “end of message” on an email subject when you don’t want to crap on in the actual email………

 DISCLAIMER: Despite the mock, the Sergeant Major is doing a shit hot job.  And that is that.

 

 

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